|
SFAdorable
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Brittney
Country: United States
State: Texas
Birthday: 1/22/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: Boys, dance, shopping, laughing, being loud, obnoxious, & dorky, Explicit Content, bubble gum, nail polish, Xbox, sleeping, James Dean, Hot topic, Moody Gardens, Sonic drinks, sharpies, dressing up, Gossip Girl books, iPod, road trips, poetry, the beach, theatre, the road, snuggling, Panic! at the disco, writing, wrestling, doodling, Cosmo, Dirtie blonde, hugging, games, facebook, Comedy, Scrapbooks, manic panic, baking, kissing, subway, Country, pop, rock, alternative, punk, and angry girl music, hip- hop and freak dancing, boys in bands, black eyeliner, anything cute but morbid, clubbing, Christina Aguilera, Old Skool Nintendo, Serenity, Cream Soda, monkeys, Fall Out Boy, fruit, movies, sour candy, Punk/emo style, pictures, beer, Horror movies, changing my look, stilettos, tinkerbell, Sublime, Family Guy, shoes, food, NFL Blitz, singing in the car, bowling, Degrassi, theme parties, guitars, happy bunny, football, Norml, accessories, Johnny Depp, Law & Order, Concerts,
Expertise: If you have to ask . . . You'll never know!
Occupation: Hip-Hop Dancer
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Sexystreetdancer
Yahoo:  SFAdorable
Member Since:
7/4/2005
|
|
| if you are any of the following:
[closed.minded] [arrogant] [judgemental]
[ignorant] you are NOT the target audience.
[[have a nice day.]]
 Well this might come as a shocker, I'm going to right a xanga entry. . .For the first time in like a zillion years . . . on maybe not that long but close! I know many of you don't care to read my worthless babble about life, but nonetheless: I'm going to write something for me; & if YOU choose to read it, feel free to share your input. Hmmm where to start . . . The House
So I live at the ZTA house now . . . its not that bad . . . I actually kinda like it! Its hard tho cuz I was raised around boys and its always been easier for me to befriend guys. Now there are like 30-something of us living in this house and I dunno its different! My big sis practically hates me right now and the worst thing about it is I'm innocent! The 3rd party involved . . . well lets just say that person needs to get some balls and start telling the truth rather than lying to everyone and manipulating stories to save their own ass!
Trouble
I got into some trouble recently. I made a bad decision and I understand that. Though I don't necessarily agree with the situation, I am embarrassed and disappointed in myself! I have taken full responsibility and have taken the necessary measures to get everything taken care of. I am 20 yrs. old . . . I made a college screw up . . . It opened my eyes to a lot of things and has really helped me to see what is truly important and what I want out of life. I just wanted to take this situation as a learning experience (and trust me I HAVE learned from it) and not tell anyone . . . but one of my sisters found out! I don't know what is going to happen . . . I'm sure I'll have to go in front of judicial, I just hope I don't have to leave ZTA! My sorority and my sisters mean the world to me, and have been there for me through a lot . . . I hope they can see that now is a time when I need them most, and it was a bad decision that won't happen again! I don't know what I'll do if I lose Zeta!
it turns out
sometimes you have to do the wrong thing, sometimes you have to
make a big mistake, to figure out how to make things right.
mistakes are painful. but they're the only way to find out
who you really are
been looking forward to the future
but my eyesight is going
bad
and this crystal ball
is always cloudy except for
when you look
into the past
When things in your life start going shitty, don't try to
stop them. There's no point because the harder you fight to fix them, the more
goes wrong. Just suck it up, and take it. If you realize that as soon as things
hit rock bottom, they get better.. it will make this entire process seem a bit
more painless.
i'm a stitch away from making it
and a scar away from falling apart
Single Awareness Day
Yup! Tomorrow is the 14th of February . . . Valentines day! Blah! I always get kinda emo on SAD (single awareness day) I mean WTF!?! Guys . . . your gender sucks! lol! Seriously tho
She's all
dolled up with no place
to go;
she's got her tickets ready, but there's no show.
Her lips are all
glossed with no one to
kiss;
so she
sits in the dark with a
lover to
miss.
Isn't it funny that when you're
lonely
the whole world seems to be in
love?
i can take your problems away
with a nod and a wave of my
hand
cause that's just the kind of girl that i am
      
Boys
I've basically given up on guys for now! It seems like the people that I want, and that want me . . . I'm better off without! But there is always an exception . . . I do indeed have a bit of a crush! There is this guy that I sit by in one of my classes, we don't get to talk much, but hes adorable and he seems nothing short of Amazing. Hes tall, dark hair, deep mysterious eyes . . . and not only is he totally hot, but hes sweet and he has VALUES! He believes very strongly in God and his religion, I really think I need someone like that in my life right now! We have a lot in common, movies, books, writing, etc. I don't know tho, I can't talk to him like that! He seems too good . . . sometimes I feel that with all of my flaws and mistakes that the good guys see me as a hopeless cause, but I'm not . . . I swear I'm not! I have never been shy around anyone, but for some reason with him I get nervous and can't focus. He is just an all around great person . . . I think he could be the one that saves me . . . not that I'd ever tell him that!
Sometimes I feel there's a hole inside
of me; an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I have this dream of
being whole. Not going to bed each night wanting. But still
sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing, I dream of a love
that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love
me and I want to be seen. - Practical Magic
He's the kind of guy you could think about all day. You see
through the imperfections he has. In fact, you don't see them at all. There are
a million things you want to say to him, but when you see him, our mind clears
of all thoughts. You understand him more than he thinks. If he only knew.  
Random Quotes
sometimes i
just wanna break down, quit putting on this act,
playing this role of someone who's always
strong. and before long,
it's too late. i've become cold and distant,
my thoughts are inconsistent.
so i suck it up and move foward. i'm
beginnning to think i help others
with their problems to avoid my own. screaming
inside in the purest tone,
i quit this time. i'll walk
alone
Today I found a friend,
who knows everything I felt.
She knew my every weakness,
and the
problems I've been dealing with.
She understood my wonders,
and
listened to my dreams.
She listened to how I felt about love
and knew
what it all means.
Not once did she interrupt me,
or tell me I
was wrong.
She understood what I was going through,
and
promised me she would stay long.
I reached out to this friend, to show her I
care,
to pull her close and let her know
how much I need her there.
I went to hold her hand,
and pull her a little bit nearer,
and I
realized that this perfect friend
was nothing but my
[[mirror]]...
I guess when you break it down, I'm just so afraid.
Afraid of
life. Death. Love. Hate. Friendship.
I'm paranoid, I'm terrified,
and I'm
such a teenage calamity.
And what scares me the most -
I don't think
anybody notices
I've got some problems but we've got 10 dollars;
that's enough to
get us wasted before the night is over.
These past five days I've been
completely sober.
But tonight I'm getting ripped wide
open.
That night we drank ourselves to
sleep. I asked you why & you said "life's not so bad when it's all a
blur & nothing really matters".
eventually, you realize that life
sucks sometimes. love isn't always real, and happiness is only for
a limited time. you learn who your real friends are, you learn to
hold back tears and you learn how to act like you don't
care.
sometimes it just hits me, out of
nowhere.
All of a sudden, this overwhelming sadness rushes over me
and I
get discouraged and I get upset,
and I feel hopeless, sad and hurt, really
hurt.
And once again, I become numb to the world
i say to myself, "Self, why are you awake
again?"
it's one a.m. standing with the fridge wide open,
staring
such a sight, florescent light
the stars are bright, might make a
wish
if i believed in that shit
but as it is, i might watch
TV
cause it's nice to see people,
more messed up than me.<3 We cling to music, to
poems, to quotes,
to writing, to art, because we desperately
do not want
to be alone. We want to
know we aren't going crazy and someone
else out
there knows exactly how you're
feeling. We want someone to explain the
things we can't. We love everything tied
up neatly, easy, simple, and
when we can't
do that, it scares the hell out of us. To not
know the next
step, or where you're
headed, kills. Being unsure isn't in our
plans.
But its those moments, the ones
where you risk it and step unknowingly
into the future that assures us
life is larger than we'll ever
know...
 | | |
| Hmmm so I go home today for thanksgiving . . . should be interesting! Heres the deal . . . Ok so Josh and I broke up a couple weeks ago (obvi) and coming to terms with everything was hard! Thats all I can say! Before my last entry Josh called me and told me he had been dreaming of me . . . then all of a sudden started being really rude and he said he didn't miss me, he was happy with his life without me in it, and he wouldn't do all the shit he did to me to someone he really loved. The whole time we were together he was AMAZING when he was with me . . . and when he wasn't with me he was someone else . . . Like Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde . . . Drugs do that to people though! Anyways it made me think back to my ex Harrison (who was a recovered addict) Back when we broke up he told me, "Drug addicts are manipulative, we are compulsive liars, and if you let us walk all over you . . . we will." That to me was a wake up call . . . It was like I understood what he meant for the first time! I figured with Josh the guy I fell in love with was the lie . . . when the whole time I thought he was the truth! So when he said he didn't miss me that was it! I had heard what I needed to hear! He wanted me out of his life . . . well he got it! He taught me that I have to love and respect myself above all others, cuz everyone else is gonna let ya down. So I said fuck it! I quit trying to be tough and faking a smile . . . I have 100 sisters to talk to and 200 shoulders to cry on! Once you face your fears . . . things aren't so bad. So I went on a few dates, partied with my football neighbors, and was the most ghetto fabulous at the party! I still thought of him all the time . . . but I realized I had to live my life for me! Then I start getting missed calls from him . . . never left a message . . . so I thought he just wanted to hate on me more and bring me down and I wasn't gonna let it happen! I don't hurt myself cuz I realize not everything is my fault . . . its okay to be pissed at other people! Finally I get a call saying he never meant any of that stuff and that he loves me and being with me is worth everything. He says he is gonna go to san jac, and hes sobering up! I promised I'd go talk to him today . . . I don't know whats gonna happen! Part of me is thinking I am the stupidest girl on the planet for even considering another chance. I've been hurt enough! Everyone says I can do better, but I can't help but thinking he IS better. He just needs to realize that! The other part is thinking that if I don't I'll never know what could have been, would have been, should have been . . . but wasn't! I'm afraid of pushing him away like he did me and regreting it. They say 3rd times a charm, and I am at a point now where I love myself and I am not gonna put up with shit like I did before. I keep thinking that if something happens and I do leave his life for good . . . well it'll be a hell of alot easier the second time! when there's something you really want, you should fight for it, don't give up no matter how hopeless it seems. and when you've lost hope, ask yourself if 10 years from now, you're gonna wish you gave it just one more shot. . . I'm afraid I will We tried to go our seperate ways but we ended up back at eachother . . . that has to mean something right??? I don't trust him or believe much of what he says . . . I have no reason to, but I can't help but think what if . . . what if he really realizes what he had and lost, maybe he is ready to grow up and be honest with me! I know even if we do date again it is gonna take me a while to trust him, we'd have to take it slow and work at it. And words are just words until you back them up, so maybe he's finally ready to prove it . . . or maybe I am just setting myself up to be royally fucked over. God I don't know! Why do things have to be like this? I just want him to be clean and to be the guy he is when hes with me all of the time! The guy who would hold my hand and kiss me, be serious when i need him to be. who can always make me laugh and smile. a guy who can be dirrrrty but then be just as sweet as can be. The one that wouldn't be afraid to call me at 11:00 at night or at 6:45 in the morning just to say hi. he'd let me be myself because that's all he wants. the guy who didn't care that i talk too much about nothing.who would watch kiddy, scary, romantic, funny or just plain stupid movies with me. who, when he said he would do something, did it. that would tell me things that he meant. who treated me the same around his friends as he did when it was just us. the guy that would be goofy and not afraid to dance with me. who will liked me all dressed up as much as he does when i'm in sweats & flip flops. who'd take pictures with me. who made me realize how lucky i am to be me. i want a guy who will go to the mall with me, and make me a build-a-bear, to hold when hes not there. a boy who isn't always one to follow the rules. a boy who doesn't care that i can't keep my room clean and i always hate how my hair looks. i need a guy who knows when i have a math test...and when i fail one. Who will be there for me, somebody who'll keep hugging me if i'm not ready to let go. he will watch football games with me and put up with my yelling! a guy who won't care that i can't stop singing even tho i suck. a guy who would be able to put up with all my flaws because god knows i have enough of those. a boy who will make gingerbread houses with me. someone who'll play with me and cuddle with me when i get too cold. a guy who lets me listen to the music i want to, even if he hates it. someone who will take care of me. a guy who i can fall in love with and not be scared of anything . . . a guy to just make me happy. . . I thought he was that guy . . . maybe he'll prove he is . . . | | |
| I just got outta the hospital . . . my life basically sucks. I've lost 10 lbs in a week cuz of stress I can't even keep liquids down! I'm weak and dehydrated and I've been doped up with seringes of god knows what to sedate me cuz the doctor was afraid I was going to suffocate on my own vomit cuz I couldn't stop convulsing and throwing up long enough to take a breath! At one point on the way to the hospital I seriously didn't know what was going on . . . I was completely incoherent, I thought I was gonna die! And for a while I didn't even care! Maybe then he would miss me, maybe then he would realize what he had, I was to the point where if I were under water I doubt I'd even try to kick my way back to the surface! And the whole fucking time all I could think about was him . . . how much I wanted him there with me, how he was the only one that could make everything okay! I've been completely miserable! Not that anyone gives a shit! Everything that was good in my life well doesn't exist anymore! I'm dying inside but at least I'm not too fucking scared to admit it! At least I try to face and deal with my problems instead of running and hiding! I still love him and I fucking hate myself for it, and I hate that no matter how hard I try I can't hate him! And most of all I hate how I can mean nothing to the one person that means everything to me! Everyone says I can do better and I deserve better . . . I know that . . . but that doesn't make it hurt any less! I just fucking hate life! the tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon,
but that we wait too long to begin it. PUT DOWN YOUR GUARD!! (i am speaking to myself as well). The more layers and barriers we have to shield ourselves, the harder it is to actually get to know someone.. this could be a reason why you havent found THE ONE! Any insecurity or self-consciousness needs to be handled by the Almighty God, not your best friend. They can only take you as far as they have taken themselves. (hello), God is limitless. He is the eiptome of limitless! Basically any problem can be taken and handled by the Lord. If you're gonna worry dont pray, and if you're gonna pray dont worry. Doing both gets you no where and shows little faith...and the key step in maturing is knowing thyself! What do you really know? Wake up and find out... - Complements of my dear friend Bhollins! More people would learn from their mistakes
if they weren't so busy denying them Regret is the worst of human emotions. there is no going back with regret. there is no future with regret. regret is not something i live with. if theres something i wish i hadn't done, i dont do it anymore or i forgive myself & try better. my life is my statement & i try to be true to myself & to other people. whatever my failings are, they're human & i try to perfect them each day "If we don't change,
we don't grow. If we don't grow,
we aren't really living." maybe i was wrong.
maybe we should never have started going out.
but you & i both know we had the best times together.
i'm sorry it didnt work out.
& i'm sorry you grew out of me,
but i still have faith in us.
i still believe if i, if we; truely still want this,
it'll all work out in the end.
it'll be our very own happy ending See, that's the thing about second chances.
It's two people that are there for each other
& support each other
& care about each other
no matter how much they want to deny it.
It's about one person doing everything
they can to make sure the other doesn't fall
& vice-versa.
Second chances are about holding on
to that other person's hand
no matter how hard they beg to let go Did you ever fall for someone, that you really didn't want to words can't explain why, but you love being with them every minute. It's one of the few things that make you happy and it shouldn't, and all you wanted to do was try to give up on them, but you couldn't. i don't wanna fall for him again.
i don't think I can take the pain.
i don't wanna have these feelings
if he doesn't feel the same.
i don't want my heart to jump,
when i haven't seen him in awhile.
i don't wanna see him grin,
if i'm not the one making him smile.
i don't wanna reach out,
every time i see his hand.
i don't wanna try to explain
if he'll never understand.
i don't want tears in my eyes
every time i see his face.
i don't want my heart to be empty,
if he's the only one that can fill the space. sometimes,
someone can mean
so much to you that
not even the truth
can change your mind. when someone sees you
as you really are,
&& wants to be with you ;;
now that's powerful. i would do anything to be with you
and that's what scares me the most Have you ever been lying in your bed thinking about him
and your body starts to tingle and all of a sudden you
want nothing more than to be in his arms? I miss the days you held me, and the days I heard your voice. I miss the days you were here, us falling apart wasn't my choice. I miss the days you kissed me and the feelings we used to show but most of all, I miss the guy that I used to know. then everything comes back to him the memories, the laughs, the i love you's and you want nothing more
to share all those with him again To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love;
but then one suffers from not loving.
Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer,
to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love;
to be happy then is to suffer,
but suffering makes one unhappy;
therefore to be unhappy one must love
or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
I hope you're getting this down. Things have been getting kind of heavy these days.
Trying to figure out what road to take.
There are many decisions to be made.
And the only time I feel okay Is when I'm in your arms You've left me here in the cold
And I miss you.
You never told me it would be this hard
I think my body is saying so
When you're not here, its leaving me.
But I hope that you're okay.
Even though I'm dying i miss those 5 minute hugs...
i miss those 10 minute kisses...
i miss those hour long movies...
and i miss those 5 hour phone calls...
but what i miss most of all baby...
is when you took only about 30 seconds...
to look into my eyes and tell me...
just how much you loved me...
and just how perfect and beautiful i was...
thats what I miss the most and it hurts to know...
that i'll never get those back there`s always a cure for a broken heart...
(( the one who BROKE IT )) It kills me to finally know that after all that, After everything that happened, You can just walk away.
Forgetting it all. & one day, she just gave up and gave in. Gave into that gnawing pain, that was her heart splitting in two. And they found her the next day, lying in the middle of the floor. Your name scrawled all over the walls, by her own, heartbroken hand, and you stood there... and admired your work Can't you see it? She loves you more then you could ever imagine. It's in her eyes, it's in her voice, it's in her smile. She`s so different when you're around, so much happier. You`re the one for her, but you don't see that do you? well i don't think we have to be like this forever is there more to life than love and being together? you went away
cause you said you couldn't love me and i went away cause all i do is love you I wonder if you think about me from time to time.
Wish that maybe you could go back and change things.
Knowing how I felt about you, do you even care? I am a weak girl,
I always have been.
I fall apart at night,
I try my best to smile.
I sing along to sad songs
Relating them to my life.
Please save me from myself the tears slowly begin to fill her eyes,
as she collapses to her knees && silently cries.
she only knows the pain she feels.
there is nothing to say.
but if you look at her closely she reveals,
that her heart has begun to decay ;;
her inner demon appears on her shoulder,
makes her feel just that much colder.
her angel didn't bother to show ;;
left her to fight this battle on her own.
she screams at her demon to go.
once again she is left utterly alone,
unaided && afraid she screams into the night.
i'm done with fighting this awful fright. just like you can see the smallest speck of dust
in a ray of sunshine pouring from my window,
i can still see who you can be.
you're not dead to me. & you ask why I havent talked to you.
Well maybe, its because you slowly
pushed me out of your life.
I'm glad you're finally noticing. One day when its way too late, your going
to say, "I love you." Then when I don't reply
your going to muster up everything you
have and ask, "Do you love me?" and you
know what I'm going to say, "I used to love
you, I wish I still did, but you were with all
those other girls, and you were way too blind
to see what was right in front of you the
whole time. I've dropped you hints, and
I've tried to make it clear, but you never
caught on. So right now, I'm going to have
to say, we're just friends, like you did
to me all those times."   Brace yourself child,
You've allowed yourself to become suicidal.
Not by bullet, Or drug,
But by the pure aching of love.
You've allowed yourself to get caught up,
Clinging to him for help.
He's not going to do anything, Darling.
It's just another trick.
Brace yourself, Beautiful,
You know what’s going to happen,
You know of his intentions
and yet you beg for more.
Darling, I will pray for you and forever more.
You've allowed yourself
to one day die a tragic death,
Not by suffocation or the horrid blow of meth,
But by the clenching of the heart,
The blood soaking into the ground,
Your eyes filled with those heartbroken tears.
I'm going to warn you,
And warn you once,
Brace yourself, Child,
It won't be easy.
When he breaks you,
Promise me and yourself you won't give up. Sometimes she wants to escape the world she lives in.
She wishes for something more, something to keep her sane. When she met him she hoped he was her something. Then she learned he was nothing but someone to tear her apart. | | |
| Ive no faith in people anymore...
Been let down too many times...
I often wonder how you can look into my eyes...
And walk away without a second glance...
It makes me think Ive become to numb...
So I cut myself to make sure Im still alive...
Now you can see my pain...
It runs so neatly up my arms...
Now try to walk away knowing...
Ignoring the pained soul right in front of you... when someone you love abandons
you, it doesn't hurt just because
they've changed or lied or went
back on their promises, but
because you know what they
really are and what a beautiful
person they can be and when
they take that away from you and
won't let you see that beautiful
person again, nothing hurts more than
having someone just decide to take
your entire world away without
consulting you first (This describes my situation perfectly . . . Why can't he see it??? FUCK!) 
The past week has been one of the worst of my life! How can he "love" me and do this too me? Did he ever really care? or did he just like to pretend that he did, so he would have someone to fall back on when everyone else walks away? I was always there for him! I would have done anything for that boy . . . why me? Some people wait their whole lives and never find "LOVE," we did! We were lucky enough to find it and now he can just walk away? Just like that? I drunk mind speaks a sober heart, his says his heart is still mine! But actions speak louder than words , and thats where I get stuck . . . whats happening from here? His actions with me are totally different then his actions around them. He can be himself around me, and the man that he is deep inside is . . . amazing . . . dunno how else to describe it, but only I can see it! God I pray that the boy he is pretending to be will let that man out! I see sooo much in him that no one else does . . . I don't see a friend, or drugpartner, or a fuck up, I see my future . . . our future. I see the boy he's pretending to be screaming for help, help to find his way to becoming the man he is supposed to be. I've cried so many tears I could drown myself in them! How can he turn his back on love? "True, Everlasting, I'll always be here, Thick and thin, good and bad and all the fuck ups in between are worth this feeling" kinda love. Most people don't find that twice in a lifetime! I've heard it all and I know he has faults but I also know what he is capable of and thats what is killing me! This is supposed to be my initiation week and all I wanted was to have a great exciting week, and for him to be there for me . . . like I am for him. He promised he'd be there for parents day, homecoming, RenFest, the Sam Game . . . all broken . . . I thought this time was different! They say I'm stupid . . . I might be . . . but I'm also in love and despite everything my head is telling me, I know deep down in my heart he is worth it! No one gives a Fuck about him like I do . . . why am I the one being pushed away? Cinderella walked on broken glass,
Sleeping Beauty let a whole LiFETiME pass
Belle fell in love with a hideous beast,
Pocahontas risked her life for a FEAST,
Jasmine could have had anyone instead she chose a poor man and
Arial walked on land all for love & all for life
it was all about blood, sweat & tears,
L0VE`S ABOUT FACiNG YOUR BiGGEST FEARS. Can't you see it? She loves you more then you could ever imagine.
It's in her eyes, it's in her voice, it's in her smile. She`s so different when
you're around, so much happier. You`re the one for her, but you don't see that do you? Every time you go to sleep at night
I wonder what you hide behind closed eyes
What else could you be keeping from me? She doesn't care if you call her &
wake her up in the middle of the night.
She hates arguing, but you know she's good at it.
She's terrified of the dark,
but when she thinks of you, she smiles.
She laughs at your jokes even if they're dumb.
She loves the way you look at her,
& she wouldn't change that for the world For Once In Your Life
Don't Be Afraid To Love Me
Hold Me Like You Never Wanna Let Go
Show Me What It Feels Like To Be Loved
Whisper Those Sweet Nothings In My Ear
But Above All Else. . .
Notice Me growing up is never easy. you hold on to things that were. you wonder what's to come. but that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been and look ahead to what would be. other days, now, days, days to come. the thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. we had to forgive ourselves for growing up. You get in the biggest fights
with the people you care about the most
Because those are the realationships
You're willing to fight for A friend would tell you
"hes not good enough for you anyway"
but a best friend would call the asshole up
and bitch him out for losing the best girl that
he would ever have got in his whole life "what do you expect, do you really want him to face you? your his biggest mistake. and by that i mean he's letting go of one of the greatest girls he'll ever meet. it's his loss, and he's got to deal with that." i hate you, and i just
thought you should know.
i can't live with you
and i can't stand you
because all i do now is
think about you.
its pathetic.
i need you. i love you.
and i can't live without you. I hate when I get so frustrated .
Everything just goes wrong at once,
& I try so hard to fight it.
But the tears, they always come.
I'm so scared of falling,
cause once I do, it's fight after fight to get back up.
It could take days, months, years even.
I don't know if I have that kind of strength anymore.
Please, don't let me fall. There's this girl in the mirror. and there are stories in her eyes.. stories filled with sadness and goodbyes. When she's looking at me I can tell she's hurting inside . Shaking on the outside because of what i'm feeling on the inside.
don't feel bad,
its not like i cried myself
to sleep that night,
of course i didn't feel
abandoned and hurt,
and if it seemed like
my world was falling apart,
it surely wasn't.
because its not like i care all
that much for you anyways. . . (Yeah right! I wish it was that easy)
He would never understand her.and she would never trust him. Two kids with a common interest; they loved eachother . . . but they were just so scared. (i don't want it to end like this) i can see it in your eyes,
& feel it in your touch.
i know that you're scared,
but you've never been this loved. After a while, you get sick of caring
and you're too hurt to fight.
sometimes, no matter what you do,
things won't be alright She Can Only Take So Much
She Can Only Fake So Much
She Can Only Smile So Much
She Can Only Lie So Much
She Can Only Feel So Much
She Can Only Bleed So Much
She Can Only Be So Much
She Can Only Have So Much
She Can Only Hold So Much
So Tell Me;;
When's Enough, Enough? & it just breaks my heart to see what you're becoming! Tell him i hate him. Tell him i want him to die. Tell him i'm sorry i wasted my time. Tell him he didnt deserve me. Just dont tell him i had tears in my eyes. Teardrops fall from those pretty little eyes
kind of hard to move on when you only told lies
she's breaking down, everyone's fading
it's been so long and she's tired of waiting i need you.
i need you.
i need you.
how many fucking times
do i have to say this to myself
before you realize i really,
really, really love you.
your impossible to forget,
but me? im forgetable to you.
please just tell me im the only one,
and please mean it. i'll wish for you,
i'll wish things were different.
please wish for me too.
just you and me.
together. what do you do 'when you wake up and everything will be better,' except it's not. there's no worse feeling than when you wake up and feel okay for a minute. and then that sick feeling washes over you and you remember it's not okay. if what you're asking is how I debated whether or not to love him, the answer is I didn't. not at all. it just happened. I didn't ever question it; by the time I realized what was happening, it was already done. its not that im mad at you.
i just wished and hoped so hard
that you would be that one thing
that i could actually count on ... it turns out sometimes you have to do the wrong thing, sometimes you have to make a big mistake, to figure out how to make things right. mistakes are painful. but they're the only way to find out who you really are. So Hurt; So Fcuked Up; So Empty; So Pissed Off! So Tired; So Used Up; So Stepped On; So Let Down i can't stand him hurting me.
i just can't stand him using me but
unlike him, i just can't walk away;
i can't forget what we had. it's
not that easy for me to let go of
something that was once my life.
i guess it actually mattered to me. it's not enough to have a dream unless your willing to pursue it
it's not enough to know what's right, unless your strong enough to do it
it's not enough to learn the truth, unless you also learn to live it
it's not enough to reach for love unless you care enough to give it your all this loneliness is still so strong
a constant ache instead of all-consuming pain
a wound that will not heal
infecting every happy thing
been thriving in her way too long
now no drug can help her forget    
   
   
   
       
      
   
| | |
| I can't get "Her Man" by Gary Allan outta my head . . . I'm gonna change my ways of 'doin things around here
I'm turning over a new leaf ,gonna get my self in gear
'Cause I've got a women whos better then most,
and I've made a mess of her plains
Starting today ,all I'm gonna be is her man
'Cause I've been a wild catter, and a go-go getter
Been an S.O.B. right down to the letter
I've had misadventures, I've even got pictures
I'm even more than I can stand
But startin` today, all I'm gonna be is her man
I'm gonna give it all back, cause all I've done is take
Well I've put her on the back burner while I was out on the make
But I've got a woman who's good enough to give me
A second chance again
And startin` today, all I'm gonna be is her man
'Cause I've been a wild catter, and a go-go getter
Been an S.O.B. right down to the letter
I've had misadventures, I've even got pictures
I'm even more than I can stand
But startin` today, all I'm gonna be is her man
I'm a little bit late but I'm wisin` up
Now I'm takin` her by the hand
And startin` today, all I'm gonna be is her man Such a cute song! Anywhoo I went home to see Joshua this last weekend and I must say I love him now more than ever! He is sooo amazing! He is supposed to come visit tomorrow for Halloween . . . I know it won't appen but I secretly keep hoping that he's gonna randomly show up at my door tonight to hold me . . . that would be sooo wonderful! It was a really bad day today, and the next couple of weeks are gonna be really hard on me . . . God I just want to see him sooo bad! Why does he have to be so far away? I'm sooo stressed . . . I know if I could just see him, everything would be better . . . but tomorrow won't come soon enough! I love you baby! If your reading this come see me A.S.A.P . . . I need you! Love you with all my heart! ~SpiderMonkey~ | | |
|
|
